Yes, indeed. I have spent years working with the nervous system, and what I have found is that the compulsion to explain is not a sign of openness. It is a sign of decoherence. The organism, when it is not sure its frequency will be received, begins to over-communicate.
True sovereignty does not need to justify itself. It does not need to translate its presence into language. It simply is.
I have seen this in my own body and in my work with clients: when the biofield is coherent, explanation becomes unnecessary. The presence speaks before the words do.
Power does not need justification. It needs coherence.
This hit home. I do explain my choices. Defend them. Especially my no's. I always feel I have to justify saying no. I can feel my gut tighten. Yes, this all makes sense. Thank you!
I feel this, and I am recently catching myself when I start explaining and examining who the audience is and asking myself, internally, “why am I explaining?”. It’s a pattern loop that we must break.
For the past couple of years, I have been trying to catch myself before I offer an unnecessary explanation. It's taking a lot more than 21 days to break that particular habit, but it is beginning to pay off. I go from "why am I explaining?" to "do I even need to explain?" and then gradually, slowly, becoming more comfortable with not offering an explanation. Maybe I'll stop explaining it all to myself one day too!
I like this, and it's so true. The root is that we are explaining things to ourselves in hopes we get external validation. I've learned that I have to validate and trust myself first.
That distinction between explaining because you choose to include someone, versus explaining because you need their approval really hit me. Thank you for putting words to that. This is the kind of reminder that actually shifts how I move through the world.
Retain your power, only answer questions when someone has Authority and Jurisdiction over you. Which according to our founding fathers is almost never.. If a family member asks out of curiosity, you can answer or not. To be polite give them the most basic answer available. Don't tell everything. Unless it becomes a teaching moment. Like so called Law Enforcement, I find it interesting they call themselves law enforcement, yet they don't enforce LAW. They enforce codes and statutes which are corporation bylaws and not law. The first paragraph of The Declaration of Independence you will find a sentence similar to this: "The laws of Nature or of Nature's God, to which they are entitled. So the founding fathers provided We The People are supposed to have The Laws of nature. How does Law Enforcement enforce Gravity (I know it's not really a law), Newton's laws of motion, the 4 laws of thermodynamics, or the laws of the seasons? They can't enforce them, because what makes them laws is they don't require enforcement... They just are!!! You can try to violate them, Gravity doesn't care how much money you have, what color your skin is, who you know, how you lived your life. Step off a roof of a house, you will land below!!! Don''t over explain, question why others question your authority over yourself.... Great post my friend... Peace...
As I am learning how my nervous system works, I am realizing a lot of my stability comes from trusting myself and relearning what feels safe.
Growing up in an emotionally abusive house where I had to question everything I did, said, felt, or thought became exhausting and a way of living.
Now, as an adult I am taking back my peace, my sovereignty and doubling down on my no and not over explaining. However, this is years of programming so when I don’t defend my brain registers this as danger but I have to remind myself to come back to myself and that I am safe to make my own choices with no explanation.
Thank you for putting into words what most of us struggle with.
Nemo, this post is perfect synchronicity for me. Thank you🙏 I realized I was definitely an overexplainer for many years, and was afraid to "rock the boat" in most situations. This has made me feel so small for so long, and when I decided to stop explaining, it seemed like those I used to explain to were left in a state of shock. Like, why is she so indignant? It has not been easy to deal with and I have hermited, and or drank extra wine, just to be brave enough to speak my truth in the past.
Your article brought up some beautiful and helpful insights that are helpful to my journey, and I appreciate you. ✨️
I struggle with justifying myself, but my family is very difficult. They like to interfere in each other's affairs, and I try not to justify myself. Sometimes I succeed, and sometimes I fail, but in my family, they call me an outlaw. 😂
Thank you so much. I know I am guilty of over- explaining quite frequently. Each time I do it, I truly feel weaker. This was such an important read. Thank you.
AHH the good the bad and the ugly, one of my favourites! Good read am presently practicing the NO without explaining, unloading childhood conditioning etc .. very freeing in finding your way back to yourself indeedy. Cheers
Ever since I was little I would think about doing something and plan my explanation/defense before I even did it. Like I would practice the "speech" in my head so I was all ready.
During the part of my "becoming aware" phase, I noticed this - and it was so ridiculous that I was practicing responses for things that nobody would ever question me on - like some mindless habit.
It was consuming a large portion of my daily thoughts.
I didn't know WHY I was doing it, just that it was stupid and I wanted to stop doing it.
Still it took persistence (and alot of time) before I was able to break the habit in my head.
Then phase two - saying "No" out loud and not explaining/justifying it.
So uncomfortably weird at first.
That single "No" just hanging out there in verbal space all by itself.
You think someone is going to attack the lonely "No" right off - but after you pluck up the courage and actually do it - let that "No" stand alone, stand in it's power, let the silence that follows it hold it without cracking - a strange thing happens...
It's somehow unattackable.
Noone knows how to respond.
It's such a moment.
Who knew?
I learned this and never looked back.
I learned this because it felt really good.
It wasn't until reading this article that I fully grasped the actual reasons why we do this.
You think someone is going to attack the lonely "No" right off - but after you pluck up the courage and actually do it - let that "No" stand alone, stand in it's power, let the silence that follows it hold it without cracking - a strange thing happens...
Yes, indeed. I have spent years working with the nervous system, and what I have found is that the compulsion to explain is not a sign of openness. It is a sign of decoherence. The organism, when it is not sure its frequency will be received, begins to over-communicate.
True sovereignty does not need to justify itself. It does not need to translate its presence into language. It simply is.
I have seen this in my own body and in my work with clients: when the biofield is coherent, explanation becomes unnecessary. The presence speaks before the words do.
Power does not need justification. It needs coherence.
This hit home. I do explain my choices. Defend them. Especially my no's. I always feel I have to justify saying no. I can feel my gut tighten. Yes, this all makes sense. Thank you!
My pleasure… With love always🙏🏼🕊️Nemo⚓️
I feel this, and I am recently catching myself when I start explaining and examining who the audience is and asking myself, internally, “why am I explaining?”. It’s a pattern loop that we must break.
For the past couple of years, I have been trying to catch myself before I offer an unnecessary explanation. It's taking a lot more than 21 days to break that particular habit, but it is beginning to pay off. I go from "why am I explaining?" to "do I even need to explain?" and then gradually, slowly, becoming more comfortable with not offering an explanation. Maybe I'll stop explaining it all to myself one day too!
I need to do the same. One day at a time. Thank you.
I like this, and it's so true. The root is that we are explaining things to ourselves in hopes we get external validation. I've learned that I have to validate and trust myself first.
Its harder to trust yourself when you’ve made so many mistake in trusting others. But, I am getting there.
It’s a practice and a process. Be gentle with yourself. You got this!
Thank you. I’m working on it.
That distinction between explaining because you choose to include someone, versus explaining because you need their approval really hit me. Thank you for putting words to that. This is the kind of reminder that actually shifts how I move through the world.
Retain your power, only answer questions when someone has Authority and Jurisdiction over you. Which according to our founding fathers is almost never.. If a family member asks out of curiosity, you can answer or not. To be polite give them the most basic answer available. Don't tell everything. Unless it becomes a teaching moment. Like so called Law Enforcement, I find it interesting they call themselves law enforcement, yet they don't enforce LAW. They enforce codes and statutes which are corporation bylaws and not law. The first paragraph of The Declaration of Independence you will find a sentence similar to this: "The laws of Nature or of Nature's God, to which they are entitled. So the founding fathers provided We The People are supposed to have The Laws of nature. How does Law Enforcement enforce Gravity (I know it's not really a law), Newton's laws of motion, the 4 laws of thermodynamics, or the laws of the seasons? They can't enforce them, because what makes them laws is they don't require enforcement... They just are!!! You can try to violate them, Gravity doesn't care how much money you have, what color your skin is, who you know, how you lived your life. Step off a roof of a house, you will land below!!! Don''t over explain, question why others question your authority over yourself.... Great post my friend... Peace...
As I am learning how my nervous system works, I am realizing a lot of my stability comes from trusting myself and relearning what feels safe.
Growing up in an emotionally abusive house where I had to question everything I did, said, felt, or thought became exhausting and a way of living.
Now, as an adult I am taking back my peace, my sovereignty and doubling down on my no and not over explaining. However, this is years of programming so when I don’t defend my brain registers this as danger but I have to remind myself to come back to myself and that I am safe to make my own choices with no explanation.
Thank you for putting into words what most of us struggle with.
Nemo, this post is perfect synchronicity for me. Thank you🙏 I realized I was definitely an overexplainer for many years, and was afraid to "rock the boat" in most situations. This has made me feel so small for so long, and when I decided to stop explaining, it seemed like those I used to explain to were left in a state of shock. Like, why is she so indignant? It has not been easy to deal with and I have hermited, and or drank extra wine, just to be brave enough to speak my truth in the past.
Your article brought up some beautiful and helpful insights that are helpful to my journey, and I appreciate you. ✨️
I struggle with justifying myself, but my family is very difficult. They like to interfere in each other's affairs, and I try not to justify myself. Sometimes I succeed, and sometimes I fail, but in my family, they call me an outlaw. 😂
Sometimes it is okay to be the outlaw… you bee 🐝 you… they are your family and should love you no matter what…
Ahh, a great subject. Thank you, Nobody 🧚♂️
Thank you so much. I know I am guilty of over- explaining quite frequently. Each time I do it, I truly feel weaker. This was such an important read. Thank you.
Glad it helped in some small way…With Love always🙏🏼🕊️Nemo⚓️
I loved this!
I am happy to hear this, thanks for sharing that. Nemo⚓️
Oh wow. I am saving this one to read again and again as a sacred reminder - it is so powerful, thank you!
Love it, thanks for reading and sharing. Nemo⚓️
AHH the good the bad and the ugly, one of my favourites! Good read am presently practicing the NO without explaining, unloading childhood conditioning etc .. very freeing in finding your way back to yourself indeedy. Cheers
Helpful, thank you. Nietzsche had keen insights and I appreciate you sharing them.
This is good. Thank you for writing it
YES!
Thank you so much for writing this!
Ever since I was little I would think about doing something and plan my explanation/defense before I even did it. Like I would practice the "speech" in my head so I was all ready.
During the part of my "becoming aware" phase, I noticed this - and it was so ridiculous that I was practicing responses for things that nobody would ever question me on - like some mindless habit.
It was consuming a large portion of my daily thoughts.
I didn't know WHY I was doing it, just that it was stupid and I wanted to stop doing it.
Still it took persistence (and alot of time) before I was able to break the habit in my head.
Then phase two - saying "No" out loud and not explaining/justifying it.
So uncomfortably weird at first.
That single "No" just hanging out there in verbal space all by itself.
You think someone is going to attack the lonely "No" right off - but after you pluck up the courage and actually do it - let that "No" stand alone, stand in it's power, let the silence that follows it hold it without cracking - a strange thing happens...
It's somehow unattackable.
Noone knows how to respond.
It's such a moment.
Who knew?
I learned this and never looked back.
I learned this because it felt really good.
It wasn't until reading this article that I fully grasped the actual reasons why we do this.
You think someone is going to attack the lonely "No" right off - but after you pluck up the courage and actually do it - let that "No" stand alone, stand in it's power, let the silence that follows it hold it without cracking - a strange thing happens...
Amen!
Uncanny timing for your post. Thank you very much for sharing!
Me too 🙏🏻